Archive for January, 2022

Resound! Clang!

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (St. Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians 13:1)

Gong of Resounding: This flat, circular metal disk is about one foot in diameter. The gong’s magic has no effect on any creature within 10 feet of it. The gong is untuned, producing a discordant reverberation when struck. All creatures at least 10 feet away but within 120 feet must save versus Spells or lose the ability to speak coherently for one turn. Intelligent creatures who rely on leaders to direct their activity suffer a -2 penalty to morale, spellcasters lose the ability to cast spells, magic items that require command words are unusable, et cetera. The gong can be sounded three times per day, and then its magic deactivates for 24 hours.

Cymbal of Clanging: This slightly convex brass disk has a hole drilled in its bell. A leather strap is affixed through the hole. The disk is about a foot in diameter, and its magic has no effect on any creature within 10 feet of it. When struck, the cymbal’s harsh clang forces creatures at least 10 feet away but within 120 feet to save versus Spells. Creatures that fail the saving throw become enraged, and they must move to engage in melee combat with the nearest other creature. This rage lasts for six rounds. The cymbal can be sounded three times per day, and then its magic deactivates for 24 hours.

January 30th, 2022  in RPG No Comments »

Feral Blink Dogs

While blink dogs are known for their goodness, it is not true that all blink dogs embrace the righteousness common to their kind. A rare few, almost all of whom live solitary lives, embrace Chaos, falling under the sway of the sole wicked deity in the blink dog pantheon.

Blink Dog Deities, Continued

Almost all blink dogs honor the father and mother of their kind, Bupgau and Ghavau, as well as those deities’ son, Vufhaf. Ghavau, mother of all blink dogs, has an elder sister called Gav. Bupgau spurned Gav in favor of Ghavau, and Gav vowed revenge. She whines and whimpers in the mind’s ears, urging blink dogs to reject the pack. Few blink dogs listen to Gav, but those who do become feral and monstrous.

Gav appears as an emaciated blink dog at least twice as large as normal. Her fur is sparse, and her flesh is scabrous. Her lipless jaws ceaselessly drool venom, and her ragged claws blacken the ground where she walks. Gav represents madness, cruelty, and vengeance.

Feral Blink Dog (Monstrous, Chaotic)
Armor Class: 4
Hit Dice: 4+8** (M)
Move: 150′ (50′)
Attacks: 1 bite/2 claws
Damage: 1d8/1d3/1d3
No. Appearing: 1 (1, C)
Save As: Fighter 5
Morale: 8

A feral blink dog appears as a larger, wilder member of its species. Its fangs drip with saliva, and its claws are obviously dangerous, being curved more like a raptor’s talons than the nails of a dog. Both highly intelligent and wicked, a feral blink dog as the same teleportational ability common to its kind. When attacking, it “blinks” close to an enemy, attacks, and then reappears 10 to 40 feet away. If it has the initiative, it can attack without risking a counterattack by “blinking” away. Its instincts prevent teleportational mishaps. A feral blink dog’s bite causes suppurating wounds. Half of the damage caused by its bite cannot be healed by either natural or magical means unless the victim first receives a Cure Disease.

January 24th, 2022  in RPG No Comments »

Blink Dog Clerics

A few days ago in a Facebook group, a gamer wondered what sorts of abilities an intelligent dog might have as a player character. I didn’t offer any helpful suggestions, but what I did offer inspired the rest of this post.

Blink Dog Deities

In the Forgotten Realms, a few deities think blink dogs are special to them. This doesn’t mean that blink dogs worship those deities, but it does provide idea fodder. For example, Baravar Cloakshadow, gnomish deity of illusion and deception, honors blink dogs. The other two deities are gods of wanderers, earth, and death. Interesting, I think, and a good starting point for blink dog deities.

Bupguau

Bupgau appears as an idealized blink dog: intelligently shining eyes, lean and strong, lustrous coat of fur, et cetera. He is clearly not of mortal origin. Bupgau is the father of all blink dogs, and it is from Bupgau that blink dogs learned how to teleport. Bupgau is clever, playful, and even a bit of a trickster, but his pranks are never malicious.

Ghavau

Ghavau resembles a blink dog, but her coat is black and dusty and her fangs glow whitely. She vanishes into shadows with ease and appears without warning. Ghavau is the mother of all blink dogs. She is the protectress of the den and pups, and she also welcomes blink dogs into paradise after death.

Vufhaf

Vufhaf, son of Bupgau and Ghavau, is the brother of all blink dogs. His fur is wild, his eyes always seek, and he runs so fast that no arrow can catch him. Vufhaf teaches blink dogs the art of the hunt and the skills needed to defend the pack. He is a warrior and a provider. His battles against displacer beasts are legendary.

Blink Dog Clerics

Blink dog clerics are not common, but they do exist. A blink dog cleric seldom honors only one of the three blink dog deities. Rather, all three are paid homage at appropriate times. A blink dog cleric casts spells as a 4th-level cleric. Three special blink dog cleric spells are known to exist.

Barkskin
Level: 1st
Range: 0
Duration: Until discharged

When the blink dog cleric casts this spell and touches a creature, the spell imbues the recipient’s skin with magic. If the recipient takes damage from a melee attack, the recipient’s skin barks like an enraged dog. The creature who triggered the spell must make a saving throw versus Spells with a -2 penalty on the die roll. If the creature fails this saving throw, it flees for two turns (as if affected by cause fear).

Fetch
Level: 1st
Range: 0 (caster only)
Duration: 1 round

The blink dog cleric casts this spell and immediately teleports up to 20 feet to make an attack against a creature. If the attack succeeds, the creature takes damage as normal. The blink dog then teleports another 20 feet, taking a single object from the creature. The object must be of an appropriate size and weight so that the blink dog can carry the object in its jaws.

Heel to Heal
Level: 2nd
Range: 0
Duration: 1 turn

When the blink dog cleric completes this spell, a 5-foot-radius zone is established around the caster. The zone moves with the caster. Once per round for the duration of the spell, a creature that teleports into the zone is healed 1d6+1 points of damage.

January 22nd, 2022  in RPG No Comments »

Zero Charisma

Well, poo.

I had planned on an twelfth day of Christmas post, perhaps writing a bit about Twelfth Night celebrations involving wassail, wassailing, and special cakes. Obviously, that didn’t happen. Say, “La vee.”

Over the weekend, my son Christopher and I watched Zero Charisma, starring Sam Eidson as Scott Weidemeyer. (N.B. That link is to the trailer.) I’ll avoid spoilers for those who’ve not seen this 2013 independent film, but I’ll offer my two coppers after the still of a scene from the movie.

Zero Charisma is not a bad movie. It’s not a particularly good movie either, in part because it can’t seem to make up its mind what kind of movie it wants to be. Is this a parody? Sort of. Is it a comedy? Sort of. Is it a melodrama? Yeah, it’s kind of that too. Who am I supposed to be rooting for? It’s hard to tell. Most of the characters are pretty unlikeable, especially Eidson’s Scott. At times, it seems I’m supposed to pity Scott, but other times he’s so horrible that he merits scorn. The same is true for several of the supporting characters.

Scott is not a nice guy. He rains on parades. He’s dictatorial. He’s verbally abusive. He’s dishonest. He’s got a hair-trigger temper. He is, in his own estimation, a loser, and he embodies all the worst stereotypes about gamers: overweight, socially awkward, stuck in a menial job, intimidated by pretty women, and resentful of those better at things he wishes he was good at.

While watching Zero Charisma, uncertain about what the movie’s conflicting tones expected of me, I was reminded of a guy I gamed with for a short time. Let’s call this guy C.A.

Shortly after I left the Army at the end of 1992 and moved back to Houston, I got together with a few of the folks I gamed with in high school. We also roped in some new players, including C.A., who answered an ad thumbtacked to the gamer board at Nan’s Games and Comics Too. At the time, we were playing Champions, and C.A. via phone conversation seemed an enthusiastic player.

We met a Fred’s house to play. C.A. showed up, dropped off by his mother, which didn’t really raise eyebrows despite C.A. being roughly our age (that being mid-20s). Fred’s mother lived with him, and another player, Ben, lived with both his mother and grandmother, whom he helped care for. The first thing I noticed about C.A. was how familiar he looked, but I figured he might have one of those faces, so I left it alone.

It didn’t take long to figure out C.A. was a bit off kilter. His insistence on the letter of the law regarding the rules extended mostly to other characters, but not his own character (which was a sort of martial artist rubber man in the vein of Bruce Lee meets Mr. Fantastic). During non-game talk, C.A. seemed a bit too eager to either one-up the experiences of others, or else he made claims that were simply bizarre and untrue (such as his claim that he knew for a fact that H.P. Lovecraft based the Necronomicon on the “real Necronomicon”, which C.A. had read). I chalked C.A.’s behaviors up to either nervousness in a new situation or to a rather dry sense of humor that we didn’t know him well enough to quite get.

And so we gamed about once a week, and we had fun. C.A. was quirky, to be sure. He showed signs of being a bit volatile when he didn’t get his way, but can’t anyone have a bad day? He wasn’t abusive. He wasn’t violent. He more intense and stubborn, and I’m hardly one to condemn someone for being stubborn. That is a level of hypocrisy to which I do not aspire.

Some time after meeting and gaming with C.A., I figured out why he looked familiar. He had been a student at Spring Branch Senior High School at the same time I was there doing as little as possible to earn my high school diploma. I still remember the first (and possibly only) time I noticed C.A. It was in the morning in the cafeteria. He was sitting facing my direction several tables away from where I was sitting. He was reading a comic book. Two of the high school’s many third-rate thugs sauntered up to him, took the comic away, and tore it in half before laughing and walking off to congratulate each other on being jack asses. I remember feeling bad for C.A.

C.A. was a student in special education. Back then, circa 1984-1985, most students identified as needing special education services were segregated from the main student population. There were several temporary buildings (called T-shacks) behind the main school building where students in special education received instruction. From what I remember, most of the students were obviously developmentally delayed. Children with Down Syndrome, for example, seemed more common three decades ago.

C.A. was not developmentally delayed, at least not intellectually. He was a bright guy. Looking back through the lens of years of experience as a teacher, I can say with a degree of confidence that C.A. was some shade of autistic. High-functioning, to be sure, but socially quirky enough to have been identified as “disruptive to the general education learning environment” (as was the public school thinking back then).

But back to our Champions game, which was interrupted by my wedding and honeymoon. I don’t remember if we invited C.A. to the wedding. If we didn’t, that might explain what happened while my bride and I traveled to El Paso, Texas, to visit my aged grandmother who could not travel. If we didn’t, we should have. It might have made a difference (but maybe not).

We’d been out of town for a couple of days and our regular game day rolled around. A very irate C.A. called Fred. He yelled at Fred, demanding to know why I wasn’t answering the phone. Fred explained I was out of town. C.A. demanded to know when Fred was coming to pick him up for the regular game. C.A.’s mother wasn’t available for transportation, and C.A. assumed this meant Fred was responsible for picking him for the game. Fred explained there was no game because I, the GM, was out of town. Fred wasn’t much of a gossip, but he let me know enough about C.A.’s phone call that day to understand that C.A. went from very irate to verbally abusive at the top of his lungs.

We never gamed with C.A. again after that incident, and watching Sam Eidson as Scott Weidemeyer in Zero Charisma reminds me of why. But it also makes me a little sad.

January 11th, 2022  in RPG No Comments »

Day 11 – The Skis of Travail

Merry Eleventh Day of Christmas!

Ug. I’m tired. Today was my first day back on campus after Christmas vacation (which, the observant among you will have noticed, once again ended early as there are still Days of Christmas left). I like to make a big splash after an extended time away from school, so my students got class/homework, reading assignments, and a new poem to memorize. Huzzah.

So, if you’ve not seen The Last King, you owe it to yourself to watch it. It’s a hoot, and it has without a doubt the best scenes involving good guy medieval warriors on skis fighting to save the baby heir to the throne from bad guy medieval warriors on skis. Seriously. Check out the trailer at this link.

And now a new magic item.

Skis of Travail
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)

These finely crafted wooden skis are each about five feet long. It requires an action to don or doff the skis, and the magic of them makes poles unnecessary. While wearing the skis, you not only treat ice and snow as normal terrain, but you gain a +10 foot bonus to your speed. You also enjoy these abilities:

  • You can use your bonus action to Dash across ice and snow.
  • When using the skis to move across ice and snow, foes make opportunity attacks against you with disadvantage.
  • As part of your move when skiing across ice and snow, you can jump three times the normal distance, but no farther than your remaining movement would allow.
January 4th, 2022  in RPG No Comments »