Spes Magna Games

What follows is a short speech I gave at my the party celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary. The picture embiggens if clicked.

As you know, Trina and I celebrate our 25th anniversary with you here today. As we prepared for today’s festivities, I had cause to reflect on life and love. Trina is certainly the love of my life, but she was not my first love. I saw my first love in a movie theater way back in 1977. We didn’t get a chance to speak, although I would later imagine what we would have talked about. I still smile when I remember her, this first love of mine.

And she still impresses me, a bit more than 40 years later. Of course, she was beautiful. But, more importantly, she was brave. She was forthright. She was committed to making the world a better in place, but not in some grandiose way. She was no utopian dreamer. Instead, she was practical. She saw a problem, and she did not hesitate to be the one to stand up say, “This is wrong. I’ll fix it.”

There are many reasons why my first love remained unrequited. First, I was 10. Also, her love belonged to another. For a long time, I couldn’t understand what she saw in him, this Bernard. He was a bumbler. He was a bit of a coward. He was kind of dull.

But, as I watched and learned, I saw that my first love’s love for that dull bumbler had an amazing effect. Her love for him made him a better person. He bumbled less. He acted with bravery and honor. His dullness transformed into a sharpness of character.

Part of me still loves my first love. Part of me will always love her. By now, you’re all wondering, who was this remarkable lady? Trina is wondering as well, because I forbade her to read this little speech.

So, I’ll tell you. My first love was none other than Miss Bianca, the Hungarian representative to the Rescue Aid Society, that remarkable organization of mice featured in Disney’s The Rescuers and The Rescuers Down Under.

At age 10, I was in love with a cartoon mouse. It was a relationship doomed before it could ever start. But don’t be sad. I found my Miss Bianca, and she is everything that cartoon mouse was and more.

The Church teaches us that marriage is a channel by which God’s grace works the lives of the family. How true this is. Without Trina playing Miss Bianca to my Bernard, voiced by the legendary Bob Newhart, I would not be the man I am today. I’m convinced that whatever man I might have been would be both a sad and a poor man.

Tags: Catholic, Not Gaming Related

Some of the time, I think I’m in the wrong line of work. I mean, I can write, maybe not well, but certainly well enough to, say, churn out a remake of 1981’s laughably bad Blood Beach. What that’s, you say? Who in their right mind would remark Blood Beach? Well, you’ll have to ask Alex Greenfield and Ben Powell that question. My guess is that they wrote the laughably bad The Sand for the money, which presumably means there’s money to be made writing horrible movies. I wonder if The Asylum is hiring?

Presenting the Sand Monster for both Mutant Future and AD&D.

Alignment: Neutral
Movement: 45′ (15′), burrow 30′ (10′), swim 120′ (40′)
Armor Class: 9
Hit Dice: 18
Attacks: 1 (tendrils) or 4 (tentacles)
Damage: Paralysis or 2d6
Save: L9
Morale: 9
Hoard Class: None
XP: 9,000

Mutations: Burrowing, Gigantism, Unique Sense (vibrations)

The sand monster is an enormous mutant jellyfish that has adapted to life underground as well as in the water. Predatory and voracious, the sand monster burrows under a beach, lurking a few feet beneath the sand. It then spreads out its tentacles and tendrils, covering a 45-foot radius. Then, it lurks out of sight, using its highly attuned ability to sense vibrations to target its prey, which it tries to ambush. It prefers to attack with its tendrils, dozens of slender extensions that are covered with stinging cells that deliver a Class 11 poison (failed save causes 2d6 rounds of paralysis while a successful save results in half movement for 1d6 rounds). Against a helpless target, these tendrils shred flesh, killing the helpless victim in 1 round. If the sand monster abandons its subsurface position, it attacks with its powerful tentacles. These supple limbs can reach up to 30 feet, and they are also covered with the same type of stinging cells found on the tendrils.

Frequency: Very rare
No. Appearing: 1
Armor Class: 9
Move: 3″//12″ (3″)
Hit Dice: 18
% in Lair: 85%
Treasure Type: Nil
No. of Attacks: 1 or 4
Damage/Attack: Paralysis or 2-12
Special Attacks: Paralyzation
Special Defenses: Nil
Magic Resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Non-
Alignment: Neutral
Size: L (15′ long with 30′ long tentacles)
Psionic Ability: Nil
Attack/Defens Modes: Nil
Level/XP Value: IX/6,550 + 25/hp

The sand monster is a strange sort of giant jellyfish adapted to life beneath the sands of beaches. This monster burrows a few feet beneath the sand and then spreads out, covering about a 45-foot radius. It senses vibrations within this radius and uses those vibrations to target its prey. The sand monster usually attacks with its tendrils, the sting of which force a saving throw against poison to avoid 2-12 rounds of paralysis. Even if the saving throw is successful, the victim is slowed for 1-6 rounds. If the sand monster leaves its hiding place beneath the sand, it attacks with four powerful tentacles, each of which can reach up to 30 feet. A tentacle inflicts 2-12 points of damage and also carries the same poison as the tendrils.

Tags: 1E AD&D, monsters, Mutant Future

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Management was as efficient as usual. Guxem Bogdani. The man with the camera. The man in the room who filmed Jones murder Sharon. Bogdani procured young girls, usually runaways or undocumented immigrants. He had served time in both U.S. and Albanian jails.

Jared leaned against the bus stop shelter’s exterior. He wore jeans, running shoes, a sweatshirt with the hood pulled up. He’d slung a backpack across one shoulder. He watched across the street. It was nearly lunch time. The parking lot across the street was half full, mostly with economy-class cars belonging to the people in the laundromat. Next door to the laundromat stood Shqipëri, a restaurant.

The picture window was mirrored. The Albanian flag, red with black, two-headed eagle, painted on the window. One public entrance. Bogdani had just arrived. He stood near his BMW, Italian suit shining in the mid-day sun. Two other men were with him. A third exited the restaurant as he neared the door. Hugs all around. Old friends meeting for lunch.

Jared recognized the third man. The pictures in the hall outside Jones’s bedroom. One showed Jones standing shoulder to shoulder with an older man, his full head of silver hair impeccably styled, a gold nugget pinky ring glinting the light of the flash.

“Who is he?” Jared said as he crossed the street. Jones followed, modestly covering his genitals even though no one driving or walking by could see him.

“Tom Jaworski. He’s a senior partner at Felkin. He was my mentor.”

Jared walked slowly past the parking lot, noting the make, model, and license plate number of the Escalade into which Jaworski climbed.

“He’s one of you, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Jones admitted, and Jared detected for the first time a hint of shame in his voice. “He’s the one who, uh, introduced me to my first girl.”

A couple of women, arms laden with boutique shopping bags approached Jared along the sidewalk, looking at him worriedly. The one closest to him clutched her purse a bit more tightly. Jared smiled and touched the brim of his cap.

“Ladies.”

They picked up their pace, their heels clacking on the concrete. A few steps later, Jared was behind the wheel of his car. Jones sat in the front passenger’s seat.

“Why is Jaworski meeting Bogdani?”

Jones turned away, staring out the window, biting his lower lip, but it didn’t help. He still answered. “They must be arranging another party. Tom doesn’t trust e-mail or phones for the arrangements.”

Jones turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the curb into traffic.

“Tell me about these parties. Be thorough.”

Jones was, and Jared fought back the urge to send the ghost away rather than listen to the confession. The “parties” were nothing of the sort. They involved a cabal of wealthy, well-placed men from several cities. Men of influence, men of renown. Most would be described as pillars of a community. All of them were rapists. Many of them were sadists. More than a few were murderers. And Bogdani and his organization provided the girls upon which these men’s lusts fed. This same organization also provided the location and the security for the evening’s depravities.

“I don’t know,” Jones said. Tears wet his face. “I’ve never been to one of the parties. Tom’s told me about them. Said I’d be on the guest list ‘soon’ if things worked out.”

“By ‘worked out’, you mean if you killed Sharon?”

Jones’s jaw trembled. He nodded. “But I don’t know where the party will be held. You, you killed me before I was told.”

Jared pulled into a grocery store’s parking lot, and parked in the closest space. Engine idling, air conditioning blowing cool air, he nevertheless felt warm. He closed his eyes, rubbed the sides of his neck with his fingers. The thud thud of pain behind his eyes matched his pulse.

“How do you find out the time and place?”

Jones shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess Tom would tell me. Like I said, he prefers face-to-face. No way he’d call or e-mail. Not about something like this.”

Jared punched the steering wheel. The horn barked. Jones flinched.

“Go away, damn you.”

Jared sat in his car with nothing but his pain and anger.

Tags: fiction, Lilacs

Back in December 2015, I wrote up the poohvian for AD&D. It’s time for an update of Myles Wohl‘s wonderful illustration.

Keepers of Bees. Poohvians are good-natured, short humanoid bears who live in small tribal bands. Pastoral and gentle, poohvians cultivate berries, nuts, and fish in hatcheries, and they always keep honey bees. Poohvians prefer to live in hilly forests, making their homes out of well-constructed burrows or within natural caves.

Rumbly, Tumbly. Poohvians love friendly contests of wrestling during social gatherings, especially after a few mugs of mead and some honeycakes. Almost always, these frequent poohvian celebrations become boisterous, even rowdy, but the grappling matches seldom result in serious injuries or hurt feelings.

Poohvian
Small humanoid (poohvian), neutral good

Armor Class 15 (breastplate, shield)
Hit Points 9 (2d6+2)
Speed 25 ft.
Ability Scores STR 12 (+1), DEX 8 (-1), CON 12 (+1), INT 8 (-1), WIS 10 (+0), CHA 11 (+0)

Skills Perception +2
Senses passive Perception 12
Languages Common, Poohvian
Challenge 1/4 (50 XP)

Keen Smell. The poohvian has advantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on hearing or smell.

Wrestler. Whenever the poohvian makes a Strength (Athletics) check while grappling, the poohvian is considered proficient in the Athletics skill and adds double its proficiency bonus to the check (+4) instead of its normal proficiency bonus (+2).

Actions

Multiattack. The poohvian makes two attacks: once with its claws and once with its bite. Most of the time, however, the poohvian prefers to fight with weapons.

Claws. Melee Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 3 (1d4+1) slashing damage.

Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 2 (1d3+1) piercing damage.

Javelin. Melee or Ranged Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, reach 5 ft. or range 30/120 ft., one target. Hit: 4 (1d6+1) piercing damage.

Sword. Melee Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 4 (1d6+1) slashing damage.

Tags: 1E AD&D, 5E D&D, monsters

It’s still May, which means all Spes Magna Games products are on-sale this month for at least 25% off their regular prices. Why? To help you help me celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary!

And now, ripped from the Dark Dimension for your D&D game…

…the Mindless Ones!

Created to Destroy. The Mindless Ones were created by the entity Plokta as unstoppable engines of destruction. Plokta is a disembodied entity who hails from the Dark Domain. He possesses the ability to warp the perceptions of creatures, granting them an illusion of their fondest desires. Such a gift comes with a price however, for each creature that accepts Plokta’s generosity must also forfeit its soul.

Primitive, Savage, Devoid of Love. The Mindless Ones cannot feel love or exhibit even the smallest degree of kindness. They live only to fight and to destroy. A Mindless One’s body is composed of dense physical matter, granting it great strength and durable, stone-like skin. Its single eye projects destructive beams of energy. Possessing no evident state of awareness, a Mindless Ones attacks any creature it sees, including other Mindless Ones. These monsters can only be made to follow commands through the use of magic.

Mindless One
Large construct, unaligned

Armor Class 18 (natural armor)
Hit Points 157 (15d10+75)
Speed 25 ft.
Ability Scores STR 22 (+6), DEX 8 (-1), CON 20 (+5), INT 1 (-5), WIS 10 (+0), CHA 1 (-5)

Damage Resistances cold, fire, force, lightning, thunder; bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from magical weapons
Damage Immunities poison, psychic; bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from nonmagical weapons
Condition Immunities exhaustion, frightened, paralyzed, petrified, poisoned
Senses darkvision 90 ft., passive Perception 10
Languages understands all languages but cannot speak
Challenge 11 (7,200 XP)

Immutable Form. The Mindless One is immune to any spell or effect that would alter its form.

Magic Resistance. The Mindless One has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.

Magic Weapons. The Mindless One’s weapon attacks are magical.

Sunder. The Mindless One can smash through any barrier given sufficient time. It can damage Huge and Gargantuan objects. It ignores the damage threshold of big objects such as castle walls. Even magical barriers, such as a wall of force, can be destroyed by a Mindless One. If the damage inflicted by the Mindless One in a single round exceeds three times the caster level of the magical barrier, the magical barrier fails.

Actions

Multiattack. The Mindless One makes two attacks with its fists.

Fist. Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 21 (3d8+6) bludgeoning damage.

Eye Beam (Recharge 5-6). The Mindless One projects a beam of destructive energy from its single eye in a 60-foot line that is 5 feet wide. Each creature in that line must make a DC 17 Dexterity saving throw, taking 42 (12d6) force damage on a failed save, or no damage on a successful one.

Tags: 5E D&D, monsters